what me ???? special ??? I don't think so

I have been getting lots of emails lately form people telling how wonderful I am , what a special thing I am doing etc etc you can imagine the rest .

I just want to explain why I am doing this .its not all out of the goodness of my heart you know ,I get something out of it too and thats what i am going to try and explain today .

see when I get to eventually make S & E into a family I wil have changed their lifes , I will have given them something so special. they will no longer be a couple they will be a family something they have wanted to be for 10 years what a great feeling it will be that I have done that , I will get to live the rest of my days knowing that I did something amazing , that I fulfilled another persons dreams , the sense of acheivement and satifaction will be immense and I get to carry that feeling with me for the rest of my life ... how cool is that . I will be reminded of it everytime we speck , when their child starts to walk , to talk , the first time is says mummy or daddy I will know I helped that happen .

I am never going to stop wars , feed the staving stop siffering or anytning remmarkable like that to change the world and by doing this , on my death bed I will be able to leave this life knowing thateven if i haven't changed the world for everyone I have changed it for one couple .

and to be really honest it will be that feeling that gets me through the difficult days that will enevitably happen when I go home without the baby i carried for 9 months .


see I am not an amazing person jusy an ordinary person doing something amazing . there is a difference

I did well this month

I managed to hold off testing until sunday and that was only becasue we were with S & E and I thought it would be great just to pee on a stiick and give it to them . the idea being that they get those 2 minutes of hope and then get to be the first people to know if they are Pg or not .

as it is they aren't so its again just a little wait for the next cycle to start. I am really hoping that it doesn't take another 6 months to get pg again I am not sure I could cope with that again.

so wish me luck and I'll be back sometime in the next few weeks to update you .