Ok positivity returns .

Just little note to let my readers know that I am out of my disappointed stage and moving into the next try , its a tough couple of days when I get a neg but its only a couple of days before I start planning for the next try and hope returns .

I just thank god we aren't doing host that's a good few months before you try again if the ips can even afford to try again !!!

disappointment once again

well I am gutted ,I tested this morning and got a negative , I was really hopeful this month but alas its not to be.


I am really starting to feel the strain now , I need someone to egg me on and tell me we'll get there. each month that it fails I am startig to fell less and less like I am going to actually be a surrogate , what if i never get pregnant again !!

I guess this is where I should call my support worker but I don't knowif i can be bothered to sit a listen to someone telling me It will be ok and we'll get there in the end . its been 18 bloody month I want this to happen already , if i had worked month one the baby would be due soon , if I hadn't misscarried we'd be telling the world now !!

and thats something else that has bought me down this week , anotehr surrogate has announced that they are 3 months pregnant i am happy for them but it should have been us telling all this month and whats more when their baby is born it will be the same feeling all over again.


sorry I have nothing positve to report and this is such a sdown post bt thats how i feel right now .
catch you all again when i have something exciting to say or just need to whne some more

I went test shopping ....

and lo and behold boots were giving a single first response test free when you bought anything from their range so Of course on getting home I couldn't let that little lonely test sit in its box all by itself and even though i know its too early and the Wong time to test i took it anyway and it was negative . but then it was 10am I had pee'd 2 hours earlier so there wouldn't have been much hormone there anyway at 10/11 dpo .

I have now sworn I am not going to test again until tomorrow morning so I really need to keep busy today because those tests are calling my name from the bathroom cabinet !!!

I want to test Now !!!!

OK OK I admit it , I am itching to test ,its been 12 days since I got a + opk but i got a + two days running so I think its only 11 days past ovulation .

Since the miscarriage I really don't want to test too early and get a really faint line like i did last time , it would just worry me too much. I want a big fat line that can be seen from outer space !!!

and none of those hi tech digital tests I want the reassurance of seeing that line get darker everyday !!! that's not too much to ask for right ??

now all i want is a time machine so i can flip forward just a few days and take a blasted test !!!!!

I spoke to E last night and she too is feeling like this 2ww is taking forever to go , maybe its a good omen . all I know is i am driving myself crazy analyzing everything , even sat here right now typing this with a cup of coffee I am scrutinising the taste of my coffee and no it doesn't taste great I'm not enjoying it ... oh i may be pregnant - or I may have just made a naff cup of coffee.

The tearfulness I have had the last few days , I've just been crazily overly emotional - hey i may be pregnant - or it may just be I am still peeved about missing out on George Michael concert tickets again !!!

and My bra feels all tight and uncomfortable , Its probably just because my period is due this week but ... there's this possibility it maybe because I am pregnant !!! do they feel different .... I don't know it depends how much i think about it LOL

and just thinking about it now I am sure I feel a little queasy that could be a really good sign - but its probably just because I am thinking about it and wanting some sign or another to give me hope.

still it will all be over in another couple of days and i will then move into - "omg please let this one stick" mode or " when am i going to ovulate " mode - only time will tell

test day is drawing near ...

and I have to admit that I am feeling hopeful this month ,in just the last 48 hours my emotions have been all over the place , i was crying last night for no reason at all !!!!

I cooked my favorite meal last night because i didn't feel like eatting much and I didn't enjoy it at all !!!!

and I am feleing a bit off colour too , so heres crossing everything that test day will bring good news !!!!!

doesn't time fly when your having fun

well its dawned on me the other day that I have now been thinking surrogacy for 18 months !!!

we have seen so many changes to our life during this time but the one constant thing that remains is how much I want to do this .

Sure its taking longer than anticipated but there is a really positive side to that, Our relationship has grown so much over the past 15 months , so much so thats its practically not reconginsable , the one thing I want to do more than anythng else in the world at the moment is to give S & E the baby they so very much long for, and I don't plan on giving up anytime soon.

and we are a week into the 2ww and i can't say I feel anything one way or the other , I am doing a really good job not thinking about it , that said i don't feel normal , I have been sleeping really well and thats not like me at all. only one more week to go andI am managing to keep busy

Its A Boy !!!

he was born at 9.15 this morning after a long and difficult labour , sarah is doing great and mummy and daddy are getting to know their new son !!

I just want to state here and now that no matter how much I ranted in the last post about surrogates being normal people doing somehting amazing , I think that Sarah is amazing , the gift she has given to mandy and Rich is amazing and she deserves nothing but happiness . I wish her a speedy recovery .

I am sure more details will come when mummy and daddy get their newborn son home .

Exciting times !!!!

I have heard this morning that the wonderful sarah a surrgate friend of mine , went into labour last night .

we haven't heard anything since 9.30 last night so for all we know there could be another family in the world thanks to surrogacy this morning . it just gives me such a great feeling and of course i am checking for news every few minutes so i won't be far from the pc today .


I'll be back when I have more news