25 weeks .... only 100 days to go

but we all know babaies don't come according to plan .

I really don't have that much to share , things are ticking along just nicely , but I guess what has taken be by surprise to some extent is how boring a surrogate pregnancy is. Imagine 25 weeks pregnant what do you normally do, plan , shop , talk about names all the fun stuff , what does a surroagte do around this time ..... nothing !!! I am just here waiting for the next 15 weeks to pass so that i can give birth .

Don't get me worng we talk names and shopping etc with S & E but its not the same , its just not as exciting as expecting a child .

now don't even think that i will have another one myself ..... the fact that that thought cross my mind a few weeks ago is purely down to hormones !!!!!!

I apologise for being a negligent Blogger

well here we are at 20+ weeks pregnant and its just flying by .

We had our 20 week scan yesterday and after a bit of an arguement with the scan department ( despite the fact that i ahd phoned before and checked it would be ok for us all to be in the scan room)we were all able to be there to witness it . It was great E was in tears at one point and despite the fact we had to get scanned 3 times before everything could be checked of the list .. everything looks ok with this baby, thank heavens . I had had a few sleepless nights before it but it was all ok on the day.

I am still in pain with my spd/sciatica not venturing out too far , I can get my youngest to preschool but not home again which is proving to be a bit of a challenge. I am now seeing a physiotherapist and am using crutches to keep me more upright and it seems to be working.
Its really gettng too me at times , I feel so useless, depending on everyone else so much ts going to cost me an absoloute fortune in thankyou gifts !!!

We are all looking forward to the surrogacy Uk AGM in 10 days time , Its not just the agm but also a full day of workshops and social interaction . It will be great to see some of the babies I haven't met yet and as always be astounded by how fast the others have grown . As always it will be great to catch up with freinds old and new .

I have just ordered a bit of a surprise for S&E ,I can't post about it here because they read but I'll update with pictures after the AGM. I think they will love it.

17 weeks

a small update for my regular followers, sorry its been so delayed.

Everything pregnancy wise is going great , i have a bump that is growing almost daily and and firmly in maternity wear now.
I started feeling movements at arond 14 weeks and feel this little bubba daily now.

we are in deliberations as to find out the sex at our 20 week scan which is on the 2nd of august. I want to but S&E aren't sure. I may well find out and keep it to myself.

My health however is suffering , I am suffering from spd which in turn is putting preasure on my sciatic nerve and causing me great distress. I have been housebound for a week now and to say its getting to me is an understatement. I have an appointment with my osteopath tomorrow and I am hoping she will be able to help because there is only so much lying around the house one person can take .

very nearly 13 weeks

doesn't time fly when your having fun !

well all in all I am feeling great , I am so relaxed about this pregnancy now . we are past the dreaded 12 week mark and ourour oscar test came back great the risk of this baby being downs is around 1 in 4500. thats good enough odds for me .

It was a wonderful day , though the scanner wasn't as friendly as the last one we had. I guess he had a more serious job to do . we got to see the baby looking very baby like were able to count all the fingers on one hadn at one point . Eve was a complete wreck and stef was in tears and I was just enjoying the moment .

I don't think I will ever be able to fully comprehend what I am giving them , It doesn't seem possible that little old me can fulfill someones wildest dreams , i mean I am a teenage mum , who doesn't work and lives on a council estate , how likely is it that i would ever be able to do something so amazing for someone. Surrogacy is definatly doing wonders for my self esteem I feel great about myself as a person at the moment and thats a fantastic feeling.

I recieved a lovely card from E's mum ( uckily E had translated it for me) telling me how grateful she is and thanking me for helping them and wishing me an easy pregnancy . It bought a tear to my eye and is definatly someting for the memory box .

as for me , morning sickness never really got too bad and is almost gone now , I still don't want to cook but i will force myself to get over that too. the bump is very in evidence now and i am in maternity clothes !!!!

I had a terrible moment on monday morning when I went to put on a pair of trousers I had been wearing just 5 days before and they wouldn't reach to do up .... and i don't mean just wouldn't reach there was a good 2 inch gap !!! where the heck did that come from .. I don't know

so steve and I went quickly into town and bought me a pair of maternity trousers to get me through the day, since then I have hit dorothy perkins and picked up a few nice vest tops in the sale , mothercare for some jeans ( that are gettng returned becasue I don't like the fit) and good old ebay where i got a pair of brand new gap jeans with tags still attached for just £7.50 and I am living in those right now LOL we are going to Bath on sunday to visit a few more stores with good maternity ranges hey at least I'll get good use out of them !

We heard some fab news this week , one SUK couple who had been told they could never have children announced that they are 16 weeks pregnant , I just little stories of miracles like this and wish them the best of luck , lots of good health and of course oodles of happiness in their future.

opps time to play catch up

well i am sorry i missed my update last week but it was a great week.

last Monday we had our viability scan , stef and Eve came down from London for the day and Steve took a day off work so we could all be there . I desperately wanted Steve there just in case anything was wrong.

we met at about mid day at the bus station and went to our favorite Italian restaurant for lunch , not that much got eaten , I had a minestrone soup and only ate half of it , stef had pasta marinara and only ate half , eve had minestrone and ate some of stefs pasta , Steve had his favorite lasagna and was the only one who managed to clear his plate . we were all very nervous and it showed in our appetites.

we wandered around town for a bit as our appointment wasn't until 3.50 , then got the bus to the clinic , we arrived early but didn't have to wait long , a lovely Dr looked very surprised to see 4 of us turn up for a scan but once i explained that it was a surrogacy he was cool about it.

I jumped up on the bed , the Dr made sure Stef and eve had a great position to see the screen and Steve squeezed in too. and then there it was a little bean with a beating heart , once i had seen that I didn't need to look at the screen again it was far more entertaining watching stef go into a state of shock and disbelief and eve melt into this emotional puddle . It was a great moment .

so the bean measures just right for dates, has a healthy heartbeat and everything looks great.

when we left the scan room and went' to reception to settle the bill E was asking lots of questions so the Dr took her back into the exam room and explained to her again .... you wouldn't get that on the NHS !!! so without any further ado I present to you baby S yet to be named.

as for me , I have been feeling pretty Yuk the last week and my tight trousers weren't helping so I went out and bought myself some joggers and trainers , I suppose once i get over feeling like I am leaving my house in Pj's it will be OK, I have even had a few compliments on my new look so it can't be bad.

I have been trying to remember at what stage I needed to switch clothes with Finn and I remember that it was during our holiday , we spent two weeks in Florida when I went my jeans fitted when I returned they didn't I just can't remember exactly how pregnant i was on our return I think around 14 weeks but not totally sure . either was I am using that as a rough guide as to when i may need to think about maternity wear.

So we are now 8 weeks 2 days I was bricking it all weekend because 8 weeks is a typical time when you can have spotting but thankfully there was nothing.

I have had my first midwifes appointment through, but I need to call and change it , stef and Evelina are on holiday until the 14th and I put on the form that i couldn't attend appointments until after that date but they sent one through for the 13th. I am actually a little nervous about calling them its odd because I want them on my side I don't want to have them objecting every step of the way. I am sure they will be OK although when I rang them before I was pg they did seem bemused at why the babies parents would want to be at the antenatal appointments !!! go figure hey !

anyway thats enough for now . hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading

6 weeks

well 6 weeks and 1 day to be exact.

we went to a lovely SUK social yesterday at one of the members homes in ross on wye, and even though the rest of the country seemed to have torrential rain we had a lovely day , a few small showers nothing heavy enough to send everyone rushing inside , get the kids of the trampoline or even stop the barbecue.

It was great to see everyone for the first time since our + it was great to see some of the other expectant IP's and surros, by far the best thing about being a pregnant surro is the hope you give to Ip' s who have yet to find a surrogate or get pregnant, and we are defiantly an example of determination gets you there in the end .

I was put on a bit of a downer at the end of the day though when I received a text from my little sister telling me that she didn't agree with surrogacy but hopes it turns out ok.

I actually reacted really badly , why couldn't she mention her concerns to me to my face some time over the past 2 years why do it by text ,and to be honest telling a pregnant woman that you think their pregnancy is wrong is just wrong , it doesn't matter that its not my baby and I have no intention of keeping it it still shouldn't have been said .

there is something about surrogacy that makes everyone think they can voice their opinions without censure. and more often than not the ip's are sympathized with as they have fertility problems , the surro's partner is sympathized with for going along with it, and the surrogate is demonized , the person making the greatest sacrifice , giving something that it takes a lot of strength to give is the bad guy in all this and it sucks big time.

so basically i told her its wasn't any of her business and if she couldn't say anything nice don't say anything .

I later texted her to say sorry for being to touchy and that we should chat sometime about her issues, because lets face it their not my issues and she doesn't have to agree with it or think what i am doing is right but I would really appreciate it if she could keep her negative comments to herself and not pass on her close minded views to anyone else.

woohoo we made is past 5 weeks !!!!

now that may sound Like a stupid stupid reason to get so excited but i was such a wreck yesterday because we lost the last one at exactly 5 weeks so to go even 1 day past has bought me some relief.I am still not compleatly relaxed about it , there is along way to go and anything can happen as we have seen so much lately here .

as for symptoms , I am dead on my feet by 3pm every day , finn and I usually snuggle on the sofa at about 2 and have a nap which is great and keeps me going till bedtime.

the nausea is really starting to kick in , I can't really eat anything sweet . and eating within an hour of gettig up is out of the question. so long as I avoid those things I am fine , the only problem is I am a chocoholic so when I am offered chocolate I find it really hard to say No . I ate half a mini chocolate chip muffin at a friends house friday and felt ill for the rest of the afternoon . luckily with all of my pregnancy's I have never been so sick i was vomiting ,so i hope this one is the same.

E has been with her mum in vienna since wednesday and she told her last night while they were celebrating her mums birthday . E has said that her face was a picture , she is so happy and is planning her visit already !!

I am so happy to be making so many people this happy . Just continue with those sticky thoughts because I would really hate for anything bad to happen now.

4 weeks 4 days

and I'm still pregnant , yes I really am that pleased about just getting thought another 3 days. I am so worried right now that something will go wrong again . I am not letting it make me stressed there is just this niggling worry in the back of my mind that I never had before the miscarriage. Please let this time be right , there is no reason for it not to be


with that said the tests are now very positive !!! and symptoms are kicking in , I am so tired all the time , if i sit down anywhere around 2 in the afternoon you can't keep me awake , and I am ready for bed by 8 !!!

The nausea is starting , i can't drink coffee first thing in the morning any more ,and after cooking dinner last night i didn't feel up to eating it , I managed to force a bit down and then went' and made myself a ham salad roll instead . I am hoping it doesn't get too bad ,I have never had sickness so bad I've thrown up but it was pretty bad with Finn all day every day until 26 weeks . the other 3 were fine just a little bit in the morning easily rectified by toast and tea , I had it so easy LOL

E is telling her Mum and Dad I wish i could be a fly on the wall , I can only guess what the emotion in that room will be like , I guess I have only just relaized how many lives I am affecting , not just S & E but their parents will get their first grandchild too .

thoughts like that really aren't good for a hormonal pregant woman to have . I am going now before I start to cry .... again !!!

4 weeks 1 day

we had a fantastic day yesterday , Stef and Eve came down to visit for the day , seeing them was wonderful , just what I needed. they are so thrilled , they couldn't stop grinning all day .

I gave them the test sticks that I have done so far and they went down well .

we had a chilled out day , the boys and danni went to lazer quest while E and I did a little bit of window shopping with finn. lazer quest doesn't take long enough . we had tapas for lunch which was OK, we won't be going back to the same place again , we were the only people in their( bad sign but we were already in there before we realized ) and the service was terrible . some of the food was cold and most of it had been microwaved. Likes the tapas experience but next time we'll find somewhere busier

the rest of the day was spent in the park , chilling and chatting while the kids played , argued and moaned. but thats perfectly normal .

we also visited cabot tower seeing as we were in the area , the kids , me and E walked up to the top , not a good move for me because i am terrified of heights. on the way back down we had to pass people on the narrow stairway and I mentaly added it as an activity not to do when heavily pregnant ! we really wouldn't have fitted LOL

I have started keeping a nte of expences , our shopoing bill cost an extra £30 this week becasue we bought more organic produce , last night I was too exhausted to cook by the time we got home so we ordered a takeaway, I am starting to see how expences add up !!

day 12 .....

and its still positive , and more positive that it was on day 10 or 11 :) yes I am spending a fortune of pregnancy tests but I just want to make sure all is still well.



see I have this theory that last time there was something not right from the very beginning , I didn't get a + on day 10 , only got a very faint + on day 13 . then when i tested on day 15 it was with the digital test so i couldn't see if the line was lighter or darker , if it had been a normal test it may have been faint and given us some clue that everything wasn't right and we could have been slightly more cautious about getting excited.



that said this time the line is already darker than it was with the last + so I have no reason to think anything will go wrong this time . I am still just a little nervous though there are no guarantees with this pregnancy lark are there .



that said i am starting to feel pg ,I have been exhausted, My boobs have a mind of their own , and I just feel a little off colour , I wouldn't say sickness or even iffy just not quiet 100%.

day 10 of the 2ww and

we have a very faint positive !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it I am in total shock , i was expecting just another negative the same as always !
only tested today becasue if it was neg I would still have hope becasue only 50% of pregnant women get + on day 10 but there it was a line that i could see , and dh could see and just to make sure the kids could see it too !!!!!

S&E are thrilled , I don't think I have ever heard E speachless before I thought she was goingt o hyperventilate :)

I am praying but at the same time a little worried , I hope everything goes right this time . so I need all the sticky embryo vibes you can muster please .

I'll be back tomorrow with more news hopefully of a darker line !!

only day 8 !!!!

omg will the waiting never end , I am itching to test for no reason other than I want to know already !!!!

we had a fab day on Sunday visited S&E in London and spent the day wandering around Hyde park , went to the Diana memorial playground and the fountain which was great fun for the kids and gave us a chance to just chill for a little while .

My kiddies enjoying the ice cold water on their feet

we went to a great Greek restaurant for lunch , it was called halepi , nothing much to look at but the food was ace , the atmosphere was very friendly , and the staff were very helpful. defiantly go if you get a chance.

in other surrogacy news , another couple that we know have just announced that their surrogate is pregnant and I am thrilled for them , they have been trying to get pregnant for 6 years so it just goes to show that perseverance does pay off in the end . you'll get there if you don't give up .

with that said I will leave you all to wish the next couple of days away for me . all thin positive I want to join the other 4 surrogates due jan/feb next year !!!

playing the waiting game again

yep we are once again in the 2ww and praying that it works , actually i am pretty laid back about it this month . Insems went well and were done a little differently to normal after taking some advice from another surrogate. so we will see if it works or not .

we are moving on the iui front , have found a clinic who are willing to treat us and I am just waiting to hear when our consultation appointment is going to be , sometime in the next 2 weeks or so .


I have just heard today that another surrogate and Ip's have just found out they are pregnant , they like us have been trying for a long time and turned to IUI , its there 3rd IUI cycle I think. It just goes to show that perseverance can pay off. I am so thrilled for them they really reserve a happy ever after.

In fact after a bit of a quiet few months at SUK things are hotting up again there are now 5 babies on their way , one in July , one is Sept two in January and one (so far ) in February I am hoping to join that list with at least one other soon.

some very sad news

we heard yesterday that some friends of ours , surrogate and IP's are having to have a termination today .

following 3 scans this week they have discovered that the top of the skull on the foetus has not developed it is a severe type of Spina bifida called anencephaly, their Dr advised them to have a termination asap.

This is devastating news for all involved and all who know them , It has shaken us all to our very core and many tears have fallen for them , My thoughts are with them today as they start to grieve for their lost baby , and for my surrogate friend as she goes through and recovers from a surrogates nightmare.

I love them all and wish them lots of strength at this trying time .

What a crappy weekend !!!!!!!!!!

I feel like crying today and in fact i have been so i figured this is the place to let it all out and not bug my Friends with my emotional baggage, you can stop reading now if you want I think you get the idea of the type of post this is going to be.

Friday my wonderful support and fabulous husband went for a vasectomy , he is as peeved at the effect surrogacy is having on our love life as I am . I was so thrilled , see I don;t know if i have mentioned before but we have to abstain while trying to get pregnant , not to bad for the first few months but now nearly a year in its bloody hard !!!

Well the first sign things weren't going to plan was when 20 minutes into a 10 minute procedure the Dr comments that my husband has unusually large tubes and if we wanted he could take a look and see what he could do.

of course Steve said to carry on , the Dr managed to do one side but couldn't do the second . his tools weren't big enough to deal with the size of dh's tubes. so DH has had half a vasectomy , twice the pain because of the difficulty doing the first side and none of the benefits.

To say we are gutted is an understatement. we are planning to see the Dr soon to find out why? and if there is anything else we can try . see even when we aren't trying to be a surrogate hormonal contraception plays havoc with me sex drive and makes it pointless using contraception and this vasectomy was going to be the answer to my prayers .

Then this Sunday morning when I awoke to find my period had started , so that must mean it hasn't worked this month. crappy i know , I am trying not to think to hard what will happen next . another try I know but i am very aware that we can't keep going forever , well have to see what happens with the IUI . E is phoning for an appointment sometime this week I am just hoping it doesn't take too long to get started. as a side note this period has been the heaviest and most painful period i have had in a long time not great but I am putting it down to the ovulex, maybe its something that needs to happen before i can get pregnant ??

and this morning I have read that yet another surrogate friend of mine has got pregnant on her first insems, and to be honest I am a bit annoyed that I had to read it on the boards, we have been really chatty , comparing notes on insems , deciding when test , supporting each other through this cycle and then she doesn't tell me that she is pregnant , knowing damn well that I am kind of fed up with hearing about all these wonderful surrogates that get pg first time. I guess she probably didn't want to upset me but it would have just been nice to have been prepared when I went on the boards.

and finally i had a horrible dream , I know only a dream but it has upset me no end and is probably why I am feeling so wobbly today . I dreamt that my wonderful dh got so fed up with
the restrictions on our sex life that he found someone else who didn't put restrictions on him. I know it would never happen but it didn't stop it upsetting me.

so right now I am feeling pretty useless , terribly tearful, and I honestly don't know how much more of this I can cope with . and its nothing to do with S & E I know they would feel terrible to think they are putting me through this but its not them its all me , stuff in my head making me feel like crap . I think had it not all come at once then I would be handling all of it OK, but its just too much for me right now.

why is nothing ever easy for me , everything i try to do takes so much determination and effort and just when I think everything is going OK something happens to mess it all up again. I'm not sure how much determination I have left anymore

the countdown has begun

well I am now on day 7 of the 2ww, that means i could in theory test in 3 days , 3 short little days

But its my daughters birthday on Tuesday so I am not going to test then , although it could be a good omen I found out i was expecting Finn on her birthday 4 years ago !!!

to be honest i want to hold out until at least Thursday but i don't know if i will .

one of the other surrogacy arrangements has just had a positive result on their first try , I am thrilled for them and hoping that it catching . actually someone in the surrogacy organization had a dream that there would be 3 girls born in quick succession through surrogacy arrangement , now I know that there is another surrogate testing next week also so there could be 3 of us due within about 10 days .... does anyone believe in dreams showing the future ??? I sure hope they do !!

Its that time again ...

we are once again in the 2ww , lets us all pray it passes quickly and ends with the right result.

actually insems were ok this month , because my cycle was screwy last month insems happened at the weekend which made for a much more relaxed affair , S&E arrived late Friday night and we ate before we did the necessary they left for their hotel and I went to bed, how much more relaxed could I possibly get?

then yesterday I took them to our local beach and we chilled out all day with the kids , ate ice cream , fish and chips and spent money in the amusements, came home chilled a bit more before we did another insem , they left a bit later and i had a relatively early night to make up for the late one the night before (I'm not good when sleep deprived)

another thing different is that I have started taking Ovulex , it was recommended to me so we are giving it a try , I'll let you know if it works but cross everything for us because we are going to be involving dr's and clinics soon and If I can get pg before that it will be a lot less stressful

anyone want to take bets on what day I'll test ? today is day 14 and I have a pg test all ready upstairs , if I make it past day 25 without testing it will be a miracle.

ready steady .....

we are getting ready for our next set of insems , they should be happening in the later part of this week possibly the weekend , but that could all be messed up because of my screwy cycle last month .

We went to visit the Ip's last Saturday and had a nice day E's father was visiting and we got on the best we could with a language barrier , we went to portabello road to the market , Its good to say I've been but wouldn't really want to go again , esspecially not with a 3 year old in tow .

I have given E the go ahead to find a clinic that will deal with us for the IUI I don't mind traveling to London its all in a good cause so the sooner we get this moving the better .

It was just late :(

so it hasn't worked this month either , I think i have lost count of the tries now .

I don't know what I am doing wrong maybe i just can't have anymore babies - no i don't really believe that but these things do tend to pop into ones mind now and again when I'm not expecting them. I am going to see the dr abut something else this week so I might mention this to him and see if he has any advice - I would even take clomid now if he would prescribe it I really want to get pregnant and I am fed up with waiting and putting my life on hold .

do you realized I can't even plan a holiday - see we need to allow at least a year so that we can afford to pay for it , save the spending money and buy the clothes , I can't plan that far in advance in case i get pregnant in the next few months . and I am really getting desperate for a holiday , nothing fancy just different scenery . Steve has time off next July so I may just try and book something for then and put surrogacy on hold for the few crucial months .

I guess what is becoming apparent to me is how much this impacts on my life , and I either have to live with it or give up and that would mean letting go of a dream I have had since i was 16 I'm not sure any holiday is worth that !

just to let you all know where we are at

we'll insems happened 16 days ago and as of today my period is officially late which would be great news but as I have now taken 4 pregnancy tests and each and every one of them has been negative I am just looking at it as a pain in the behind . My period is never late - I am lucky enough to be one of these if its not here by lunchtime on the day its due its late women , so I am really not sure what is happening with me. I guess only time will tell but its a pain when if I'm not pregnant all I want to do is start planning the next set of insems.


In other news it has become apparent to us all that things are taking a bit longer to happen than we were hoping so we are starting to think about the next step and for us that could be IUI . basically insems at a clinic , they monitor ovulation and put his boys right into the cervix rather than just outside so that may give us a better chance of success. I am up for anything right now . I just wish this stupid body of mine would behave itself .

so this is me signing off I'll let you know more as and when I have any news , or even if I just want to get anything off my chest because this thing is beginning to bug me , I sometimes wish I would have stuck to host - were you all aware I came into surrogacy wanting to do host but got my head around straight and realized life would be easier without artificial hormones LOL

anyway thanks for reading
Jane - surrogate mum to be hopefully someday before I die

Ok positivity returns .

Just little note to let my readers know that I am out of my disappointed stage and moving into the next try , its a tough couple of days when I get a neg but its only a couple of days before I start planning for the next try and hope returns .

I just thank god we aren't doing host that's a good few months before you try again if the ips can even afford to try again !!!

disappointment once again

well I am gutted ,I tested this morning and got a negative , I was really hopeful this month but alas its not to be.


I am really starting to feel the strain now , I need someone to egg me on and tell me we'll get there. each month that it fails I am startig to fell less and less like I am going to actually be a surrogate , what if i never get pregnant again !!

I guess this is where I should call my support worker but I don't knowif i can be bothered to sit a listen to someone telling me It will be ok and we'll get there in the end . its been 18 bloody month I want this to happen already , if i had worked month one the baby would be due soon , if I hadn't misscarried we'd be telling the world now !!

and thats something else that has bought me down this week , anotehr surrogate has announced that they are 3 months pregnant i am happy for them but it should have been us telling all this month and whats more when their baby is born it will be the same feeling all over again.


sorry I have nothing positve to report and this is such a sdown post bt thats how i feel right now .
catch you all again when i have something exciting to say or just need to whne some more

I went test shopping ....

and lo and behold boots were giving a single first response test free when you bought anything from their range so Of course on getting home I couldn't let that little lonely test sit in its box all by itself and even though i know its too early and the Wong time to test i took it anyway and it was negative . but then it was 10am I had pee'd 2 hours earlier so there wouldn't have been much hormone there anyway at 10/11 dpo .

I have now sworn I am not going to test again until tomorrow morning so I really need to keep busy today because those tests are calling my name from the bathroom cabinet !!!

I want to test Now !!!!

OK OK I admit it , I am itching to test ,its been 12 days since I got a + opk but i got a + two days running so I think its only 11 days past ovulation .

Since the miscarriage I really don't want to test too early and get a really faint line like i did last time , it would just worry me too much. I want a big fat line that can be seen from outer space !!!

and none of those hi tech digital tests I want the reassurance of seeing that line get darker everyday !!! that's not too much to ask for right ??

now all i want is a time machine so i can flip forward just a few days and take a blasted test !!!!!

I spoke to E last night and she too is feeling like this 2ww is taking forever to go , maybe its a good omen . all I know is i am driving myself crazy analyzing everything , even sat here right now typing this with a cup of coffee I am scrutinising the taste of my coffee and no it doesn't taste great I'm not enjoying it ... oh i may be pregnant - or I may have just made a naff cup of coffee.

The tearfulness I have had the last few days , I've just been crazily overly emotional - hey i may be pregnant - or it may just be I am still peeved about missing out on George Michael concert tickets again !!!

and My bra feels all tight and uncomfortable , Its probably just because my period is due this week but ... there's this possibility it maybe because I am pregnant !!! do they feel different .... I don't know it depends how much i think about it LOL

and just thinking about it now I am sure I feel a little queasy that could be a really good sign - but its probably just because I am thinking about it and wanting some sign or another to give me hope.

still it will all be over in another couple of days and i will then move into - "omg please let this one stick" mode or " when am i going to ovulate " mode - only time will tell

test day is drawing near ...

and I have to admit that I am feeling hopeful this month ,in just the last 48 hours my emotions have been all over the place , i was crying last night for no reason at all !!!!

I cooked my favorite meal last night because i didn't feel like eatting much and I didn't enjoy it at all !!!!

and I am feleing a bit off colour too , so heres crossing everything that test day will bring good news !!!!!

doesn't time fly when your having fun

well its dawned on me the other day that I have now been thinking surrogacy for 18 months !!!

we have seen so many changes to our life during this time but the one constant thing that remains is how much I want to do this .

Sure its taking longer than anticipated but there is a really positive side to that, Our relationship has grown so much over the past 15 months , so much so thats its practically not reconginsable , the one thing I want to do more than anythng else in the world at the moment is to give S & E the baby they so very much long for, and I don't plan on giving up anytime soon.

and we are a week into the 2ww and i can't say I feel anything one way or the other , I am doing a really good job not thinking about it , that said i don't feel normal , I have been sleeping really well and thats not like me at all. only one more week to go andI am managing to keep busy

Its A Boy !!!

he was born at 9.15 this morning after a long and difficult labour , sarah is doing great and mummy and daddy are getting to know their new son !!

I just want to state here and now that no matter how much I ranted in the last post about surrogates being normal people doing somehting amazing , I think that Sarah is amazing , the gift she has given to mandy and Rich is amazing and she deserves nothing but happiness . I wish her a speedy recovery .

I am sure more details will come when mummy and daddy get their newborn son home .

Exciting times !!!!

I have heard this morning that the wonderful sarah a surrgate friend of mine , went into labour last night .

we haven't heard anything since 9.30 last night so for all we know there could be another family in the world thanks to surrogacy this morning . it just gives me such a great feeling and of course i am checking for news every few minutes so i won't be far from the pc today .


I'll be back when I have more news

what me ???? special ??? I don't think so

I have been getting lots of emails lately form people telling how wonderful I am , what a special thing I am doing etc etc you can imagine the rest .

I just want to explain why I am doing this .its not all out of the goodness of my heart you know ,I get something out of it too and thats what i am going to try and explain today .

see when I get to eventually make S & E into a family I wil have changed their lifes , I will have given them something so special. they will no longer be a couple they will be a family something they have wanted to be for 10 years what a great feeling it will be that I have done that , I will get to live the rest of my days knowing that I did something amazing , that I fulfilled another persons dreams , the sense of acheivement and satifaction will be immense and I get to carry that feeling with me for the rest of my life ... how cool is that . I will be reminded of it everytime we speck , when their child starts to walk , to talk , the first time is says mummy or daddy I will know I helped that happen .

I am never going to stop wars , feed the staving stop siffering or anytning remmarkable like that to change the world and by doing this , on my death bed I will be able to leave this life knowing thateven if i haven't changed the world for everyone I have changed it for one couple .

and to be really honest it will be that feeling that gets me through the difficult days that will enevitably happen when I go home without the baby i carried for 9 months .


see I am not an amazing person jusy an ordinary person doing something amazing . there is a difference

I did well this month

I managed to hold off testing until sunday and that was only becasue we were with S & E and I thought it would be great just to pee on a stiick and give it to them . the idea being that they get those 2 minutes of hope and then get to be the first people to know if they are Pg or not .

as it is they aren't so its again just a little wait for the next cycle to start. I am really hoping that it doesn't take another 6 months to get pg again I am not sure I could cope with that again.

so wish me luck and I'll be back sometime in the next few weeks to update you .

and it begins again

thankfully I have had no bad effects of the miscarraige and my cycle has been perfectly normal so we have now done insems , I am going to try and stay relaxed , not get to excited and definatly no early testing !!!! yeah right i hear you say but i am adamant that this time I am not going wo waste money on tests so we will see whos right !

I'm not holding out too much hope for this month but you never know so all your postitive thoughts will be very gratefully recieved .

I'll be bakc as soon as i have anything to report ( probably in about 10 days when I cave and test LOL)

so its right back to peeing on sticks ....

at long last after what seems a lifetime , my first period after the miscarraige has been and gone , so I am waiting for ovulation again , wish me luck .

Nothing new to report

I am still here , nothing much at all happening on the surrogacy front , I am stillw aiting for my period and then hopefully we can start insems again , S&E and ready to start again too. hopefully it won't take 6 months to get pregnant again .