39 week - counting the days .... or not

well it really is getting near the end of this pregnancy now and its a really odd feeling , One part of me can't wait for it to be over , to have my body back and start living my life again. It feels like everything is on hold until the baby is born and its begining to bug the heck out of me.

But there is this other part of me that doesn't want it to end , I do love being pregnant and despite the difficulty in of parts of thi pregancy I have enjoyed this one too. I love the bump, he feeing of another life moving inside of me , knowing i have created that its an empowering feeling and I am going to miss it .

now don't get me wrong , nothing on this earth would stop me giving this baby to its parents , its not my baby but I will miss the bump.

and on top of that I'm not sure I want to do this again ,

I don't like the fact that we are going to have to fight with the hospital to get what we want . if its busy I will have to take care of the baby if we get transfered to a ward. Like that is realy going to help me !

I am sure eveything will be fine , it will be a straight forward birth , baby and I will be fit and healthy and we'll get the 6 hour dischage that we want .

But then the prospect of not doing it again leads right back to why I started looking into this in the firt place , he thought of never being pregnant again is horrible and I'm not sure I am ready to accept that either.

and then theres the other part of me that doesn;t even feel pregnant , this hasn't felt like a real pregnancy at all, I haven't had the exitement of shoping or choosing names and its amazing how those simple things bring he pregnancy to life and make it real. I'm not really contemplating the birth becasue I haven't had to get ready for it , there are no last minute preperations , no nursery to get ready so to me some day it feels like this birth could still be months away , it doesn't feel like its time for this pregnancy to end.


then there are the unexpected thoughts that maybe , just maybe, one day when the eldest 3 have all grown and left home ( 12 , 13 and 17 now) it may be nice to have another baby of my own , to do it all again properly, but I have 4 children , I have been a mum for 17 years and have the prospect of at least another 14 hands on years ahead of me , do I really want to extend that at all , is it all just hormones ?? am I really crazy ??? maybe if I just don't say never and get on with living , I will be that happy with life by the time we get to that stage It won't even enter my head.


so those are the thougths and feeling I am dealing with every day , oh yes and the pregnancy hormones as well , its no wonder I am feeling a bit emotional at times right now .